How do you know when your marriage is over? What’s the difference between a marriage that might still be salvaged and one that is, quite frankly, doomed?
Holocaust survivor and Nobel Peace Prize winner Elie Wiesel once said, “The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.”
What indifference looks like in a relationship
While some couples on the brink of divorce find themselves in heated arguments all the time, quite a few others find that their marriages fall apart very quietly because one or both parties have grown indifferent to the whole relationship.
Indifference to a spouse can take numerous forms. You may have reached that point if:
- You no longer really communicate: Sure, you talk about the bills, the kids or what groceries you want, but most of your conversation has become transactional or mechanical. You no longer care to talk with your spouse about anything with emotional depth, such as your hopes, dreams, goals or feelings.
- There’s no intimacy, and you no longer care: When kissing your spouse becomes perfunctory and touch feels obligatory – and you’re not bothered by this lack of intimacy – that’s a big sign of indifference. Physical affection and emotional closeness are all tied together, and your daily rituals have been stripped of connection and warmth.
- You’re actively avoiding conflict: You’re not trying to keep the peace out of fear or a desire to heal – you just don’t care enough to address most issues. The emotional walls have come up.
- You’d rather spend your time apart: You find yourself looking forward to your time alone or with other people – and dreading the time you spend with your spouse because it feels like a chore, not a treat. The lack of emotional investment may also make you feel isolated when you’re in the same room with your spouse.
Indifference in a marriage doesn’t appear overnight. It often begins subtly, almost imperceptibly, until one day, you realize that you’re really already living apart from your spouse, even though you’re technically still together. If this is resonating with you, it may be time to explore divorce as an option.
